Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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