Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
third nipple confirmed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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