All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
