I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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