You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize