You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
