Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
