If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
