Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
vagina is talking i cant
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
