you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
