I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
