I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize