i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
