sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
