I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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