If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
