I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
