I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
