I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
