dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
