Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
