Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
