I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
