Screwed.edu
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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