this just has baby written all over it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
