Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
