I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
