You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
