1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to sanitize my soul.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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