as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
