chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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