We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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