If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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