Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
