I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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