What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
BRING THE BAGELS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
