I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
