I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize