Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
