...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
