Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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