Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
