The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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