You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I forget how to act sober
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
