; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nicole vs. Life
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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