12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
