your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My vagina is officially offended.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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