Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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