you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
