Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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