I want to make a zoo with you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
