He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
