fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
