While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
