Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
