My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
