somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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