I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
