hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
FUCK WHALES
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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