She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
