Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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