As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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