I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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