the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize