so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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