she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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