Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then my night got REAL pukey
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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