i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize