zippers are such a cool invention
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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