Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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