I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
