im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize