my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
