dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
