some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
