seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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