My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
