My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
