just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
