I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
