I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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