brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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