Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize