How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
