Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
