I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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